44 Hilarious Wedding Crashers Quotes

When it comes to early 2000s comedies, Wedding Crashers is up there alongside Step Brothers, Napoleon Dynamite, Superbad, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story as one of the best. The hilarious comedy, about two divorce lawyers who crash weddings to pick up women, is full of fantastic one-liners, funny dialogue exchanges, and memorable Wedding Crashers quotes that have become part of our everyday speech. “You motorboatin’ son of a bitch,” anyone?

Directed by David Dobkin from a screenplay by Steve Faber and Bob Fisher, Wedding Crashers stars Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn as John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey, two 20-somethings who enjoy nothing better than crashing weddings and scoring with the bridesmaids.

Everything is going swimmingly until the duo decides to crash the wedding of US Secretary of the Treasury William Cleary’s (Christopher Walken) oldest daughter. The two set their sights on Cleary’s other two daughters, with Grey hooking up with Gloria (Isla Fisher), who quickly becomes obsessed with him, and Beckwith courting Claire (Rachel McAdams).

Breaking all the rules they set as wedding crashers, the lads go back to the Cleary’s for the weekend as Beckwith begins to fall for Claire. Hilarity ensues as Grey tries to escape the clutches of the sexually possessive Gloria while Beckwith ramps up the charm as he contends with Claire’s deuce bag boyfriend Sack Lodge (a memorable Bradley Cooper playing against type).

Despite mixed reviews, Wedding Crashers was a massive box office smash, earning $288.5 million and putting the R-rated comedy back on the map. The film was a massive boost to the careers of McAdams, Fisher, and Cooper, who were all relatively new in the industry. While some of the jokes wouldn’t fly today, overall, Wedding Crashers is a good laugh, especially when the movie heads to the house of Secretary Cleary in New Hampshire where the touch football game and little hunting trips bring the laughs. The surprise appearance of Will Ferrell as veteran wedding crasher Chazz Reinhold is one of the movie’s great cameos that’s sure to have you laughing uncontrollably.

So read on below and discover the funniest and most memorable Wedding Crashers quotes that will have you ready for wedding season.

40 Hilarious Wedding Crashers Quotes

1. “I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a bitch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John!” – Jeremy Grey

2. “I’m sorry I called you a hillbilly. I don’t even know what that meant.” – John Beckwith

3. “Wow, getting a nice preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner here.” – Jeremy Grey

4. “True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” – John Beckwith

5. “Death, you are my bitch lover!” – Todd Cleary

6. “I’m a little too traumatized to have a scone.” – Jeremy Grey

7. “You’re like that crazy guest who thinks he’s part of the family already.” – Claire Cleary

8. “I felt like Jodie Foster in ‘The Accused’ last night.” – Jeremy Grey

9. “You know how they say we only use 10% of our brains? I think we only use 10 % of our hearts.” – John Beckwith

10. “I got to get outta here, pronto. I got a stage five clinger. Stage five, virgin, clinger.” – Jeremy Grey

11. “Mom! The meatloaf!” – Chazz Reinhold

12. “Love doesn’t exist, that’s what I’m trying to tell you guys. And I’m not picking on love, ’cause I don’t think friendship exists either.” – John Beckwith

13. “Yeah! Crab cakes and football. That’s what Maryland does!” – Flip

14. “Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bull’s eye.” – Jeremy Grey

15. “I almost nunchucked you; you don’t even realize!” – Chazz Reinhold

16. “What are you doing? It’s a game of touch football, every time I look over, you’re on your ass again.” – John Beckwith

17. “I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I’ve had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?” – Jeremy Grey

18. “Whatever. Make me a bicycle, clown.” – Young boy at the wedding reception

19. “Oh, that’s terrific! Why don’t you just feed me to the lions? Step on my head when I am drowning.” – Jeremy Grey

20. “Let’s play tummy sticks.” – Todd Cleary

21. “I feel totally ridiculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn’t see me?” – Jeremy Grey

22. “Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I’ve seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!” – William Cleary

23. “Who gives a shit? It’s a great band, it’s a bad band, it’s like pizza, baby.” – Jeremy Grey

24. “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!” – Mrs. Kroeger

25. “Yeah, her boyfriend just died. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot.” – Chazz Reinhold

26. “I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it.” – Jeremy Grey

27. “Don’t ever leave me.” “Good. ‘Cause I’d find you!” – Gloria Cleary

28. “Last week I made, to scale, a balloon model of Wrigley Field. I don’t have anywhere to put it.” – Jeremy Grey

29. “William doesn’t give a sh*t about my tits.” – Kathleen Cleary

30. “Well snap out of it! What, a hot older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.” – Jeremy Grey

31. Randolph: “You banging the daughter and the grandma? How much jam you got, man?”

Jeremy Grey: “Jam, I…”

Randolph: “Listen, man, the family dog lives downstairs. I can wake him up for you if you like. His name is Snooky.”

32. “I made you a painting. I call it “Celebration.” It’s sexual and violent. I thought you might like it.” – Todd Cleary

33. Jeremy Grey: “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

John Beckwith: “Soft mattress?”

Jeremy Grey: “Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.”

34. “She’s fit for a straight-jacket. This broad’s fucked three ways towards the weekend. But you know what, father? I dig it! It turns me on.” – Jeremy Grey

35. “True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” – Claire Cleary

36. “Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!” – Jeremy Grey

37. “Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.” – Chazz Reinhold

38. “You motorboatin’ son of a bitch! You old sailor you! Where is she? She still in the house?” – Jeremy Grey

39. “So damn beautiful! With every death there comes rebirth, it’s the circle of life. We’re gonna be all right.” – Chazz Reinhold

40. “This is the real world, lady! You can’t just go shooting people on a whim!” – Jeremy Grey

41. John Beckwith: “How long have you and the Secretary been married?”

Kathleen Cleary: “30 years next April.”

John Beckwith: “That’s beautiful.”

Kathleen Cleary: “Yeah. And we were faithful for two of them.”

42. Secretary Cleary: “Once Sack and Claire tie the knot, two of the great American families, the Clearys and the Lodges, will finally unite.”

John Beckwith: “And then of course you can challenge the Klingons for interstellar domination.”

43. “I’d like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it’s not Halloween. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula.” – John Beckwith

44. Jeremy Grey: “Wow. Mr. Environmental is also a hunter. That’s got to be an interesting combination.”

Sack Lodge: “I hunt quail, Jeremy. They’re overpopulated in this region and they’re decimating the grubworm population. You got a fucking problem with that?”

Jeremy Grey: “Not nearly as much as I do with the attire that you have on, or just your general point of view towards everybody. But let’s go kill some birds. I’m psyched.”